


If not now, when?

by Artificial Pichitinha (Pichitinha)



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Smut, basically bffs falling in love, hope you like it, rajila - Freeform, so this is my first ever rpf and I hope you like it???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-29
Updated: 2017-09-29
Packaged: 2019-01-06 16:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12214719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pichitinha/pseuds/Artificial%20Pichitinha
Summary: The evolution of their kisses and of their relationship, not necessarily at the same time.





	If not now, when?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first rpf so be kind. Also, this was originally posted in the artificial queens tumblr, but I like having in on my AO3. I use drag names (and female pronouns) only when they're in drag, otherwise it's real names/male pronouns. Enjoy!

The first time they kissed wasn't really a proper kiss. Season four had just finished airing and some of the girls from season 2, 3 and 4 were at a party to get to know each other better. Manila was still dating Sahara, unaware of what the future would bring really soon, and she was happy. They were all at Sharon's place as she had just won the season and offered to host, and Manila and Sahara actually spent most of their time talking to Sharon and Alaska about their "drag couple"status instead of mingling with the others.

 

At some point of the night, as expected, almost all of them were wasted. With that, the idea of playing spin the bottle as if they were _teenagers_ happened. And due to the alcohol levels, they all said yes.

 

So that is actually the first time she ever kissed Raja. A mere peck on the lips in a group circle, with Sahara sitting right next to her, laughing. That is also the first time she ever kissed Raven, Alaska and even Shangela. The difference is, for the other three, that is also the last time.

 

*

 

"I gotta get laid." Karl says suddenly from his position on the couch where he had been so quiet and still for the past thirty minutes that Sutan had fully believed he was sleeping.

 

"Er..." He's not really sure how to respond, if he's being honest. It's been some time since Sahara's passing, but Karl's emotions are still unpredictable - as they should be. One day he'll be fine and out and smiling, the other he'll need to lock the doors and close all the blinds and just cry by himself. It's understandable and Sutan tries to help him no matter what he needs, it's just difficult sometimes figuring out what that is.

 

"I don't mean to be insensitive." Karl says as if reading Sutan's mind. "You know I miss Antoine in every way possible, every day. But I also… it's been a while, you know. And I know people grieve in different ways and times and all that. And I know it's horrible that I'm even thinking about sleeping with someone else. I shouldn't even be thinking about sex right now. But I am. Because I miss him. I miss him so much, in every aspect of our relationship, _including_ sex. And I just… I don't know."

 

As hard as it is for Sutan to figure out what to say, he tries. "I don't think it's insensitive. I think it's normal. But I also think you're still feeling angry about what happened. And I think this is a rash decision and that if you go out tonight looking for a random dude, you'll be sorry tomorrow. So maybe you should wait until the need to do so doesn't come together with this need to explain yourself, because that in itself is a sign that you're not a 100% ok with this yet."

 

Karl sits up to look at him. "That is weirdly eloquent."

 

Sutan shrugs. "I try."

 

"It's really difficult, you know." Manila sighs. "Like, really fucking difficult."

 

"I know."

 

They stay quiet for a few more minutes and this time Karl does fall asleep.

 

Sutan is glad he'll rest for a bit, and he hopes that things will get easier for his friend sooner rather than later.

 

*

 

The second time they kiss they really do kiss for real, but it's only that and it's for show. They're at a club with some other friends, and while they were mere audience that day, they were in full drag. They're all dancing, and laughing, and drinking and the thought of finding trade isn't really in any of their minds yet, the night way too young to go home so soon, even if for a fuck.

 

"You okay, Nila?" Raja asks when she sees her friend with yet another glass in her hands. Manila has always liked her alcohol - she actually usually drinks them all under the table, surprisingly - but she seems too out of herself this time.

 

To Raja's extreme shock, her eyes water a little. "Yeah, I'm fine."

 

"Well, it doesn't look like it."

 

Manila shakes her head. "No, no, you don't get it. I'm fine. I feel fine. And that's… oh god. Am I bad for feeling fine? Is it too soon? God I am a horrible person."

 

"Oh my god, Manila. You are not a horrible person, you are _human_. No one expects you to hurt forever, Sahara wouldn't want that. You have your right to feel fine and to want to move on and actually do it, ok? So whether you want to leave today with someone or not, you can't feel bad about it. You hear me?"

 

Manila just nods.

 

"Look, there's a bunch of people over there looking at us. They seem to be fans. Do you want to go over? It always cheers you up."

 

"Oh god, yes. I need some fan love."

 

They tell their friends where they're going and move over to the other side of the club. Sure enough they're fans and they seem ecstatic to see the drag queens walking towards them. There are lots of pictures and shrieks and giggles and Raja and Manila are posing for their lives. At some point, maybe due to the adrenaline of meeting such devoted fans, maybe due to the alcohol, or maybe even due to the thrill of taking a step towards the unexpected, Manila asks Raja to kiss her. And maybe Raja has all of those feelings too, because she says yes without any hesitation. Their lips meet and, unlike last time, they actually move for a little in an innocent but strong kiss that makes their fans scream and shout before they eventually part ways.

 

They laugh and thank the fans then go back to their friends and actually comment on how good of a kisser the other one is, but it's all in good fun and it's normal and not awkward at all and soon they're back to talking about the same shit they were talking before with the rest of the group, the kiss practically forgotten in the midst of the alcohol and all the memories of the night.

 

Raja leaves with a guy, Manila doesn't, but it doesn't really matter because that was just a regular night and the next day they'll go back to their regular irregular lives and won't really think about any of it.

 

*

 

" _Ugh_ , I hate being a drag queen." It's five in the morning, they're back at the hotel room they're sharing after an exhausting show, and Raja all but throws herself on her bed after proclaiming those words.

 

"Right, miss America Drag Superstar. Gimme a break."

 

“I’m tired.” She whines.

 

“You’re tired because you’re good, and you’re good because you love what you do.”

 

Raja smiles. “Please proceed with the compliments.”

 

Manila just throws her dress on Raja’s face.

 

Raja’s still laughing as she removes the other queen’s dress from her face, a little surprised it still smells like soap after so many hours of performing and, in Raja’s case, sweating.

 

“You were pretty amazing out there as well.” She compliments her best friend as she removes her makeup, Raja amazed that she has it in herself to actually _move_. Maybe she _is_ getting old.

 

“I never said you were _amazing_ , but thanks.” Manila replies with a smile.

 

It’s Raja’s turn to throw the dress. “Bitch.”

 

They fall into a comfortable silence as Manila pretty much completely de-drags herself and Raja lazies around in the bed. She finally gets up to change when she realizes she needs to use the washroom and that immediately reminds her body that she needs to untuck _right now_.

 

She returns from the bathroom, completely in Sutan’s skin and ready for bed, and notices Manila - _Karl_ \- is sitting on his bed looking at her direction as if waiting for him to appear.

 

“You know you’re my best friend, right?”

 

Sutan raises his eyebrows at the statement. Karl is way too drunk and yet at the same time he looks way too sober to be talking like this.

 

“I know. You’re mine.”

 

“No, I mean… you really are my best friend. None of this ‘I love you’ bullshit that a queen says to another after a fake hug. I mean, for real. Even if sometimes we might go through some time without speaking… you’re my best friend.”

 

“I _know_. And I also really mean it, you’re mine. Well, you know, you and David. But you get the gist.”

 

Karl laughs. “That’s nice to hear.”

 

Sutan can’t help but feel Karl is weird.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Karl just nods and lays down on the bed. “It’s probably the weed.”

 

Sutan laughs with him, but sooner than he expected he hears Karl’s breathing normalizing and he knows he’s sleeping.

 

He lets his friend rhythmic sounds lure him to sleep as well, and soon enough it’s just a quiet hotel room again.

 

*

 

The third time they kiss they really do kiss for real, and it’s definitely not for show. Similar to last time, it also starts with a club night. This time though, they’re both themselves, no Raja or Manila gracefulness to cover for their drunken selves in regular T-shirts and denim pants.

 

They’re out with fellow queens, and if they paid attention they’d realize it’s practically the same bunch from the time they had that innocent peck together, but quite frankfully attention to the others is the last thing either of them is doing.

 

There's something about the exact amount of alcohol they each had drunk combined with exactly how much weed they each had smoked that brought them to the edge, one step before the line, one after. They've always been playful, they've always been cute, they've always been handsy. But one thing that Sutan never had any issues doing and somehow can't seem to today is to tear his eyes away from his friend's face. It's just his face, same as always, plain and clean without an inch of makeup, and still there's something about the haze of numbness and relaxation in his eyes that fascinates him.

 

They're standing together, side by side, and constantly touching has always been in their routine, but this absolute need to look into Sutan's eyes - and the absolute fierce response he's getting every time from the other man's pupils - that in itself is making Karl's knees weak. He never thought about Sutan that way - he's _not_ thinking it now either - but it had been a while since he last got any action with someone and the closeness they always shared seemed to be a little bit heavier today.

 

They're dancing and laughing and hands are touching everywhere, but that's _normal_ , that's what they do, not only with each other but with several of their friends as well. Today, however, it's only between them, so much so that at some point they completely lose track of where everyone else is. It's them and their nerves and their shivers and this constant need to be _looking_ at each other. A gazing contest.

 

They step out of the dance floor, trying to look for their friends but not really because they can't glance away from each other. They're drunk enough but they still head for the bar, and then once they each have another drink in their hands they go to a corner to try to get some light to grab more weed from wherever it is that they stashed it. And maybe it's the extra sip of alcohol, maybe it's the extra drag of marijuana, maybe it's the new light and the way their eyes shine differently underneath it, but Sutan all but drops everything he's holding and moves his hands to Karl's face, pressing his lips to the other man's almost in desperation.

 

Karl responds immediately, also letting everything go and combing his fingers through Sutan's extremely soft hair, an involuntary gasp leaving his throat. They're kissing like there'll never be another chance for them to do so, their lips desperate, their tongues trying for some action, their hands merely holding the other's head close. Their bodies are not pressed together, their hands are not roaming and discovering, their lips never go anywhere other than the other's lips themselves. It's a heavy, fierce, strong kiss, but that's all that is is.

 

Someone bumps into them at some point, breaking the space and time they had been locked in, and they part with heavy breathing, swollen lips and dilated pupils. Now more than ever they can't seem to look away, not sure of what to do but not _unsure_ either as they're not really thinking about what's next, only about now.

 

It feels like hours later when it's probably just a few minutes that David approaches them with drinks in his hands and a happy smile, unaware of what was going on and too drunk and stoned to notice the atmosphere.

 

They accept the drink and the company and move back to where their friends are. Their gaze still searches for the other and their breathing never really goes back to normal, but they proceed with their night and try to have fun with their friends.

 

They leave separately and don't really talk about any of it before leaving. None of them has company this time, though.

 

*

 

"So, how about ice cream?"

 

"Could be." Sutan replies carelessly holding the phone to his ear with his shoulder as he tries to place a few stitches on a shirt. "Anything with chocolate, please."

 

"Who knew that not only you _eat_ but you also consume _fat_."

 

"It's the chocolate that gives me this smooth brown skin, honey."

 

Karl laughs lightly along with Sutan, and they both pretend it's as normal as it's ever been. Karl is at the store picking up some wine for the both of them because they have a show together soon and they want to discuss details - and they don't really do anything without the company of a good glass of wine - and he decides that some dessert would also be a good idea, and they talk about it the same way they talk about everything, that they've _always_ talked about everything, and they're both excellent at pretending that the other's undertone is just as it's always been.

 

It was easy to ignore - to forget even - their first little innocent middle school like kiss. It had even been easy to dismiss the kiss they decided to give the fans one day when they were feeling low. It is however extremely taxing to ignore the heated passion with which their lips had encountered the other day.

 

It's been weeks and yet Sutan's lips had been so strong that Karl can still feel a ghost of the sensation whenever he lets his guard down for more than a second. It's not like he has feelings for his best friend - or maybe he does, he honestly doesn't know - but the _kiss_. He had never kissed someone so passionately before without it escalating to a certain degree. Never a kiss had been just a kiss but also so much more at the same time. He thinks constantly about this, about how it felt, how foreign and yet familiar it was, about how he wants to do it again, mostly out of curiosity even. He wonders if that's just how Sutan kisses, if that's just his style, and if it is than it's no wonder he's known to mess around. He knows what he's doing.

 

He shakes his thoughts away and clears his throat. "Huh, okay, so I'll see you in about an hour, ok?"

 

"Sound good." Sutan replies before getting his phone of his ear and ending the call.

 

He takes a deep breath and runs his hands over his face and through his hair. He's still not entirely sure of what came over him that day to assault Karl like that, and he doesn't even want to blame the booze or the weed because he's damn well used to both, even their combination. He's never been one for making stupid decisions while drunk - and even so, _was_ it stupid? He doesn't know. All he knows is that he can't really stop thinking about it and he wants- what _does_ he want, actually? He wants to take action, to do something, but he has no idea what, when, _how_. He's so caught up in the kiss, the reasons behind it, the way if felt, the consequences of it, he can barely think of anything else and that is simply not acceptable. He feels like kissing Karl again. He thinks he should. He maybe even _wants_ it. Or does he? Maybe the kiss was just really good and he wanted a repeat for that, not because it's Karl. Or maybe it is because Karl. Maybe it's even both. But whatever it is, he doesn't know. All he knows is that he has to get over what happened and he doesn't know how.

 

So, as usual, they have a normal night with their wine and their talk and their laughter, and they never let it get weird, but they don't talk about it either.

 

Karl ends up sleeping over and he takes the couch while Sutan retires in his bedroom, pretending that this isn't the first time this has happened as they usually share a bed without any problems, and even though they both think about crossing that door, they merely turn over and close their eyes.

 

*

 

The fourth time they kiss, they throw caution off of the window and just do what they want to. And what they want to do is _a lot_.

 

There's no club, there's no music, no alcohol and no weed.

 

Karl called early in the evening and asked if Sutan had plans that night. He was adamant in his question and Sutan had been so surprised he replied quickly with a no without even thinking about it. "I'll be there in fifteen" was all Karl replied with before hanging up, and Sutan was left for five of those fifteen minutes in sort of a shock.

 

He's not used to serious, assertive Karl, and he knows that for him to act like that, he needed to talk about something serious. He paced around and grabbed a few things that might have been on the floor while he waited, but true to his words Karl is at his door exactly fifteen minutes later.

 

He marches in when Sutan opens the door, not even saying hello, and turns around to stare at the other man's eyes with crossed arms once he reaches the living room.

 

"Is… everything ok?" Sutan asked, his voice much smaller than it _ever_ is, and it sounds foreign even to his own ears.

 

Karl just laughs humorlessly and strides over in big steps. Once he reaches Sutan, there's not much time for the taller man to react in anyway, because sooner than any reaction Karl's lips touch his and once again his hands move to his hair.

 

He doesn't even need a split second to understand what is happening, he gets it right away and moves to do his part sneaking his arms around the other man's waist. This time their bodies glue together and this time they're both very aware of what they're doing, nothing at all in their systems to possibly inebriate them other than how amazing kissing each other feels like.

 

The only immediate thing in Karl’s mind as they practically attack each other’s mouths is _closer_. He’s holding onto him fiercely, trying as much as he possibly can to minimize any space between them, and Sutan seems to be doing the same thing with arms around his waist pulling him into himself at every single second. It’s still _not enough_. In desperation, he presses Sutan against the wall behind them, his arm hitting the furniture on the side which he completely does not care for because Sutan groans and it is everything Karl needed but did not know. All he cares is the man between him and the concrete and making sure that every single piece of body that could be touching, effectively is. He never thought he’d want Sutan this way, he’d always been happy with the amazing friendship they shared, but as their bodies continue to move against each other, fast lips and warm breaths, Karl simply doesn’t want to do anything else other than this forever.

 

For a second he thinks that that’s not how one should feel about their best friend. The next second that thought is gone because Sutan’s hands move down to his ass and squeeze it.

 

Sutan is used to being on the other side of the wall-pressing arrangement, but he’s not about to complain when Karl’s impending closeness suddenly frees his arms and he sees himself with two empty hands and a whole lot of Karl he can explore with them. Before he can even think his hands act on their own and travel to the one place he’s always dreamed about touching. As he squeezes his ass the shorter man sort of whimpers into his mouth and it’s such a delicious sound that his body isn’t sure how to react to it. It does it by thrusting his crotch.

 

That is when every single barrier that they might still have on breaks down. Karls hands move down from his hair and find their way under his shirt, touching, squeezing and scratching any inch of Sutan's lean body they can possibly reach, and it's when his fingers find his niples that Sutan moves his lips down Karl's neck and presses kiss after kiss, bite after bite, making sure he leaves several marks, some that will fade in minutes and some that will take days.

 

Sutan isn't sure where he's breathing from anymore as he's pretty sure there's no air left in his lungs. That need vanishes from his mind, leaving in his brain only things related to Karl, like how his skin feels, how his moans sound, how his body seems to absolutely love doing what they're doing.

 

Karl gets tired of the limited actions he has under Sutan's shirt and moves his hands to its hem to remove it. Sutan tugs at his t-shirt when that happens and like a synchronized dance they each move to remove their own shirt in one second before crashing back together, making sure their chests touch and that the warmth of their lusted skin can be felt by the other.

 

It is then that Sutan decides he can't take it anymore. His pants are impossibly tight but still what leaves him undeniably needy is how he can feel _Karl's_ bulge in his own pants. He pushes Karl just a little, trying to move them to the bedroom, but maybe the universe takes that as a sign because it's at that exact second that Karl's phone starts ringing terribly loud from the sofa where he left it and the atmosphere they had dissolves in an instant.

 

They pull apart, eyes hungry for more and completely intoxicated by what just happened, but the ringing brings Karl back to reality and he picks up the device. It's his sister, Sutan can see it on the screen from where he's standing, and he knows that they have a rule to only text unless it's an emergency.

 

After a few spoken words with his sister Karl leaves in a hurry even though he assures him that everything is fine - Sutan isn't sure if he's strictly talking about the phone call - and Sutan is left with an empty apartment and a hard-on he doesn't think will fully go away if he takes care of it by himself.

 

He lays down, pictures of Karl in his mind, tinglings from his touch in his body, and stays up all night.

 

_Fuck_.

 

*

 

It would have been easy to just pretend nothing ever happened and move on. They're friends, they're _best_ friends, and they're good at it.

 

Thing is, they're apparently also very good at making out. Granted, they only did it once, but it was a _huge_ success. It would have been a touchdown had they not been interrupted.

 

Sutan calls Karl the following afternoon and Karl's heart expands in his chest when the first thing Sutan asks is if his sister is okay. He smiles through the million thoughts in his head and explains that yes, everything's fine, his niece just had a little asthma scare and had to run to the hospital and his sister was scared because her husband is travelling. But his niece is fine and they're already back at her house and everything is under control.

 

Sutan seems relieved at that, and Karl can't help the butterflies in his stomach when it's so clear how much Sutan cares. The older man sends his regards, demands Karl to call him if they need _anything_ , and says that if and when he wants to talk, he'll be waiting.

 

Karl thanks him and hangs up, clutching the phone in his hands and thinking back to the night before and how up until the phone call he'd torn between regretting profusely what happened and wishing it would have gone further. He thinks back to Sutan's words, to how much he seems to care - which he does, Karl's always known that, they've been friends for years and Sutan had helped him with stuff like this a million times. Karl can see several of them flashing before his eyes, the notion that he always had someone there for him just now hitting him. He hasn't felt that secure in another's person trust and reliability since Antoine.

 

He stays the night at his sister and only leaves the next day when he's sure everything is fine. He's tired, he hasn't showered in two days, and he's terribly hungry. Still, he drives aimlessly and isn't at all surprised when he finds himself in front of Sutan's house.

 

He knocks on his door, half hoping he'll answer and half hoping he won't, but the tightness in his chest dissolves when Sutan opens the door, and without saying anything, without asking if he has company or of he's busy, he throws himself into Sutan's arms and just hugs him.

 

The taller man hugs him back, using his foot to close the door behind them. They stay like that for what seems like an eternity, Karl just enjoying the company of the other man, his arms around him making him feel safe. He hasn't forgotten the other night, but he doesn't really think about that at the moment.

 

"Come on, let's move to the couch." Sutan suggests as he steps away from the embrace just a few inches. "You look exhausted.".

 

Karl just nods and follows him to the living room. The TV is on some weird show on food network and they sit down practically cuddling. Karl almost tears up.

 

"It's so stupid." He says with a crying tone.

 

"It's not stupid, babe." Sutan replies easily. They've always used babe to talk to each other, so Karl tries not to think too much about it, even though he still does.

 

"She's fine, she wasn't ever in any real danger, my sister is just desperate. I don't know why I'm like this."

 

"Okay, first. Your sister is not desperate, she's a _mom_. That's what they're supposed to do." Sutan squeezes his arm then, as if preparing for what he wants to say next. "And maybe this isn't just about your niece… maybe it's a whole mix of emotions. From, you know, _things_."

 

They stay quiet then, looking at the TV and pretending to pay attention at the chef trying to cook using aluminum foil utensils.

 

Karl clear his throat and sinks deeper into Sutan's side. "I do have… a bunch of feelings. From, you know, _things_."

 

Sutan's heart misses a beat. "Yeah?"

 

"Yeah."

 

They stay quiet for a while, enjoying each other's company and trying to figure out what to say next, _how_ to say it. Sutan opens and closes his mouth at least fifteen times. By the time he's determined to say something, even if it's stupid, he turns to look at Karl's face and search for his gaze.

 

What he meets is a sleeping man, snuggling to his arm and looking way too vulnerable.

 

He and Karl didn't really fix anything, but with the warmth of the sort-of-philippine guy on his side and the sound of his rhythmic breathing, Sutan has no doubt that they will.

 

Sutan smiles in spite of himself, a goofy grin adorning his face. He sighs contently and turns his attention back to the TV.

 

They'll talk when Karl wakes up.

 

*

 

The fifth time they kiss feels like the first and the thousandth and also all the others in between. They hadn’t really talked like they planned - it’s kind of hard to, when you wake up cuddling a guy and he’s looking at you like there’s nowhere else he’d rather be, his hand caressing your hair.

 

Looking up at Sutan with hazy eyes, sleep still heavy on his shoulder, Karl can only say one thing, “I think I like you.”

 

Sutan smiles down at him and furthers his hands into his soft locks, “I think I like you, too.”

 

There’s not much else that can follow that except a kiss. Sutan uses the hand he already has on his hair to bring their faces together and their lips meet as if this is the most natural thing in their lives, as if they were meant to be doing this for a long a time already.

 

Perhaps they were.

 

Karl brings him closer, Sutan’s weight sinking him a little bit further down the sofa and semi lying them down. This is much calmer, much less desperate than the last time, perhaps because there’s a certainty that they’ll get to see things through today, or maybe even because they are sure this won’t be the last time.

 

Sutan lips are much softer but somehow much more intense than they had been before. It feels like he’s trying to savour every piece he can touch with them: his lips, his cheeks, his neck, his shoulders. Karl is not one to just let the other person take charge, but there’s just something in the way this feels, as if his whole body is breathing out a _finally_ that renders him still with eyes closed as every sensation he thought this would cause and many more he hadn’t even imagined could exist overpower him.

 

When Sutan’s mouth goes back to his and slightly demands a bit more of an active participation from his side, it’s like Karl wakes up. He realizes where he is, what he’s doing, the opportunity that he hadn’t really know he wanted so much but really, really does. This is too golden of a moment for him to just lay down. Sutan’s mouth is fierce, his body is strong, his skin is soft and his erection is warm against his own. He has to do something, anything.

 

“Bed?” He asks hastily when he realizes that in the couch he can’t really turn them around. Even though Sutan seems more than happy to just stay where they are he nods his head and in an abrupt movement locks Karl’s legs on his torso and gets up.

 

“Woah. Who knew someone so old and so skinny could be so strong?” Karl jokes as he locks his arms on his shoulders and searches for his eyes.

 

Sutan scouls but there’s a small smile on his lips and a big one on his eyes. “Bitch.”

 

He throws Karl on the bed and follows suit covering his body with his. Karl locks his legs around his waist again and uses the momentum to turn them over. After a tiny moment of perplexity Sutan’s eyes just shine as he moves his arms up as if saying _go ahead_.

 

And go ahead he does.

 

His hands roam anywhere he can find under Sutan’s shirt, quickly tugging at it and forcing Sutan to sit and disregard it on the floor. He’s not particularly muscular but he’s lean and his skin is _so damn smooth_. Karl’s fingers practically skate over his torso and for a split second he wonders how his lips would feel there. Another second later he realizes that there’s nothing stopping him from experimenting and checking it himself right then and there.

 

He does it, then, lowering his head and kissing every inch of skin he possibly can, careful to avoid the most sensitive places as he first wants to explore _for himself_ so that later on he can focus on the man breathing heavily below him. His hands continue to caress the skin his lips aren’t touching and when he decides to finally stop neglecting him and moves his lips to his niple, Sutan’s arms move and his hands lock in his hair.

 

“ _Shit_.” His voice is sultry and shadowed by lust, and even though Karl chuckles he can feel a shrill run down his spine at the tone of the other man. He moves up then, eager to touch and kiss every inch and frustrated that he simply can’t kiss everywhere at once. His mouth finds Sutan’s in yet another desperate kiss and almost as if they rehearsed they both sigh into it. Sutan’s hands now find the hem of his shirt and tug at it indicating for Karl to remove it and he does so eagerly, desperate to discard all the fabric still between them.

 

Sutan sits up then and pulls him closer, their bare chests pressed together and their crotches perfectly aligned to cause them both to gasp. “As much as I love foreplay, I _really_ need to speed this up.” Sutan’s voice is raspy and Karl’s glad for the words he’s saying because he feels the same way. Normally he’d be all in for a torturously long foreplay section, but he and Sutan still had a lot of pent-up excitement from their last little section and Karl knows that from his part he’s been thinking about it constantly since their kiss at the club weeks and weeks ago.

 

“Agreed. Get naked.”

 

They part their hips just enough to be able to strip down their pants and underwear, and while they’d seen each other naked several times before - privacy and drag queen touring don’t exactly go together - this is the first time they _really_ look.

 

“I see why you’re always gloating.” Karl jokes.

 

“Oh, shut up.” Sutan replies with a laugh and takes this moment to throw Karl over on his side and tangle their legs. “You on the other hand don’t seem to gloat enough.”

 

Karl knows he’s joking in the same way he did, but he can’t stop the flush that rises to his cheeks. “Shut up.”

 

This is new to Sutan, the intimacy. He's all about passion and intensity, but reserved to a briefing longevity. He had two long-term relationships before discovering himself completely and becoming who he is now, and after that moment every time he tried something of the sorts it ended up in disaster. He could never commit to it, he never felt like he should, like he _wanted_ to. So to know the person he was about to sleep with, to already be familiar with their body without ever having had sex, to know what the different sounds they made meant on their first try, to be fully and truly invested in what they took out of this experience instead of always half focusing on himself was new and exciting and it sent shivers down his spine and butterflies down his stomach in a clear indication that his physical desire wasn't the only thing acting up in there, not even the main one.

 

They've discussed sexual experiences and preferences many times before, some drunk and some not, so Sutan knows lots of things that Karl likes which are great to know the first time you're about to have sex with someone. For example he knows they're both vers, but Karl really likes bottoming whereas Sutan doesn't really do it all that often if the person doesn't feel _right_. And Karl might be the rightest person for that as Sutan actually gets extremely excited by the idea, but he's usually a top and the man beneath him prefers bottoming so he intends on fucking him like he himself has never fucked anyone and in a way he's hoping Karl has never been fucked either.

 

Sutan is brought back to reality when Karl's hand touch him and Sutan feels a whole different kind of excitement. It runs through his entire body and he can't help the curse that leaves his mouth at how natural it feels to have Karl's hand around him and how wonderful it actually is. He tries to smoothly move them closer to the edge of the bed without separating, that way he can reach for a condom and lube inside his bedside table without breaking the contact that Karl's hand makes with his member and Karl's lips make with his chest.

 

He throws the lube and condom on the bed and pushes Karl along, his back hitting the mattress right beside the new thrown items, and before the man can say anything Sutan lowers down and takes him into his mouth. Karl just says _fuck_ as his hands fly to Sutan's hair and although the older man has always liked - and is always complimented on - giving blowjobs, he's truly trying for his best one yet here, because if there's one certainty in this whole situation is that Karl has to leave this bed one hundred percent satisfied.

 

Sutan always thought that Karl would be the type to be noisy in bed. Turns out he _is_. That is actually good as Sutan finds it fairly disappointing to give head to someone that doesn't react and therefore doesn't let you know how it's going, so he loves the little noises the man above him makes and he is able to pick up his closeness based on his high pitched tone and the way he starts pulling his hair. He lets go then, Karl's eyes opening up at the sudden lost of contact, his pupils blown wide in pleasure.

 

Karl rehearses saying something but Sutan's fast and already has his fingers ready to work him up, and Karl just marvels at the feeling as the moment they've been waiting for practically weeks' finally arriving. They're both breathless and ready and at least on Karl's part really _really_ horny, so when Sutan finally eases himself into him, even if slowly, Karl breathes out in relief and interlocks his fingers on his hair as he pulls him a little bit closer.

 

They find their rhythm pretty quickly and Karl is delighted to learn that Sutan is also a very noisy lover. He usually prefers to be on all fours for this, but he is extremely thankful to be able to see Sutan's face and to pull him closer from time to time even if the height difference makes it difficult for them to kiss properly. He hooks his legs around his waist and throws his head back as he's now thrusting a whole lot deeper and reaching the spot he wanted him to.

 

He feels his orgasm building quickly and given Sutan's sounds and erratic movements he's pretty sure the other man is also close to his release. It's quicker than they'd have prefered, but after all the waiting and longing they aren't really surprised. They come one after the other, low but long grunts followed by a simple _fuck_ and the other's drag name, and soon they're just evening their breaths. Sutan gets up dispose of the condom and Karl just takes a random shirt to clean himself.

 

Karl remains where he is, sort of lying sideways in the bed as opposed to the right direction, and when Sutan returns he just lies right next to him and they move towards each other, interlocking theirs limbs immediately and automatically sort of cuddling.

 

"So that was interesting." Karl says searching for his gaze.

 

"It sure was." Sutan replies easily, a light smile on his lips. "We can talk about it over lunch, are you hungry?"

 

"Starving".

 

*

 

It is sort of expected that things get weird between you and your best friend when you've been dancing around the sexual tension for ages and then finally fuck. So obviously Karl finds it odd when things are as normal as ever, even more so than they used to be. After the sex they took a quick shower - which really was just a shower because Karl hadn't eaten in forever and his brain finally caught up to that - and went out to eat and Karl only realized that they held hands the entire way over to the restaurant when he let go to pull his chair. It feels so easy and so natural that Karl wonders if they're idiots for never thinking about it before.

 

From that moment on, everything goes on smoothly. For a week it's like a honeymoon phase, they don't really talk about it and therefore don't really label it, but they spend every free minute together and hands are held, skin is touched, kisses are given and sex is had. Karl is happy at the arrangement, always one for commitment and relationships, and there's no denying he feels very strongly about Sutan by the way his heart beats whenever he thinks about them being a _them_. He worries about Sutan sometimes, a few milliseconds whenever their gazes misalign, about how the other man had told him time and time before that he's not really a relationship kind of guy. Still Sutan seems happy, maybe happier than Karl remembers seeing him before, and even though he's definitely biased in that view he sticks with it.

 

It's been a week and a half of that, of them and their bubble and whatever it is that they're doing, when they put on their drags and go to a party at Raven's house. It's Jujubee's birthday and Raven offered to host because her house is bigger and given the event a lot of their drag sisters are attending.

 

Raja and Manila leave the house together with clasped hands as they have been doing every day and it's only when they reach Raven's house that Manila is aware of that fact. She's not sure on how to proceed, but Raja just keeps walking to the door as if this is perfectly normal, so she just takes a deep breath and follows.

 

They enter without ringing the doorbell and the house is already half full. Their hands are still clasped and they walk through everyone on the way saying hi until they reach the first drag queens they can find. It's a mess of hugs and kisses and happy birthday to Juju who is with them at the moment, and who also seems to be the only one to notice their joined fingers.

 

"Ohhh, what is going on over here?" She motions to their joining point, which catches the attention of some of the closer queens like Raven and Trixie, but not the entire group.

 

Manila thinks for a second but she doesn't know what the proper answer is. She opens her mouth but closes it immediately when Raja's voice reaches her ear. "I think the kids call it 'dating'."

 

Jujubee squeals and Manila can faintly hear Raven and Trixie almost synchronized saying "oh my god, _finally_ ", but all of that is lost in her head as Raja's words buzz in. She turns to look at him, his persona in full Raja glory, and even though it'll mess up their lipstick and they just got there, she kisses her.

 

That is enough for the rest of the group to turn their way and for conclusions to be drawn already. Manila doesn't care. Raja's hands are on her back and their lips are mashed together and they seem to both be on the same page.

 

"I think I'm actually in love with you." Manila says as soon as they part scared she might lose courage if she waits, not really caring whether or not she'll hear it back.

 

"I think I'm actually in love with you, too." Raja replies with a smile, both their voices too low for everyone to hear, but their intensity enough for them to understand it was important.

 

Everyone cheers as they share one last quick kiss, Detox even yells "get a room", and Manila’s heart is so light for the first time in so long that even through all of the laughter and voices she manages to reply with a grin.

 

"Maybe we will."

 

_fin_


End file.
